Here Are My Thoughts on Cat-Calling

So there has been a lot of talk about cat-calling and harassment of women in the news (and/or gossip sites) lately, as I'm sure you've seen. That video of 10 hours of walking in New York City (and the subsequent parodies), the CNN video of Steven Santagati "mansplaining" his views on catcalling to a female host and guest, and all the other articles and opinion posts...there's a lot of discussion about that.
I know, as a man, that I can never fully know what a woman goes through. I know that I can't do justice to this topic. As my attending on my OB/GYN sub-internship a month ago put it, "You have the wrong chromosome for this job." (She was joking...I think). But I can provide my own opinion on one particular aspect of it. Putting aside (but not lessening the importance of) the disrespect, the murder of women, the fact that women can't feel safe on the street, or whether some women enjoy the compliments...all of these things are being debated. But there is one overarching fact that I think most people would agree on.

Men look stupid when they cat-call.

There's a reason I can't watch those videos, at least not all the way through. Maybe part of it is because my attention span is too short for them, but mostly it's because they disgust me. It's principally because the catcalling is disrespectful to women and hearkens back to an outdated way of thinking. It's a philosophy that was once seen as fun and/or funny - by many people, men and women alike, including myself. But one component of that philosophy I never understood, amid the mildly sexist jokes and the checking-out-women and all of that...was catcalling. I could never wrap my head around the idea that yelling to some woman passing by that she "Looked good" or that "I want some fries with that shake" was a proper way of complimenting them. That it was a good way to get them to date you or sleep with you or even notice you.

Jerry Seinfeld, in his hilarious 1998 comedy special "I'm Telling You For The Last Time", talks about this. Parts of it are pretty dated, but he has some great bits, including one on Men and Women. "This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far...
Honking the car horn amazes me, this has gotta be the last living brain cell...
What is she supposed to do, kick off the heels, start running after the car, grab onto the bumper? 'Well, it's a good thing you honked! I had no idea how you felt!'"

This sarcastic scenario sums up my attitude towards catcalling. Men never look dumber than when they are catcalling a woman. It astonishes me that men actually think this will work. That they actually think they are going to get anywhere with this, or that it's worth doing to "compliment" a woman. 
If a man wants to tell a woman he is interested, or try to get anywhere with her, even if it's just to sleep with her (hopefully being honest with his intentions)...he should make more of an effort. Talk to her for real, not just some lame one-liner. Write her a note...show that you actually took the time to put something down on paper. Do like Heath Ledger (God rest his soul) in "10 Things I Hate About You" and sing "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" on the loudspeaker in a football stadium. He made a fool of himself for her, but at least he looked smarter than some moron yelling "You know what I like!"

Again, if you're a woman, I have no idea how you feel about this. If you find it disrespectful, or if you enjoy it, I don't pretend to have a say. But I know how my gender comes off in this, and it's not good. We don't look attractive when we do this. Some of us look menacing. Some of us "give off that rapey vibe" that means women can't feel safe at night or alone, when there should be no reason not to feel safe. But almost universally, we look like freaking idiots, and not funny ones. And I can't laugh at any part of that.

Semiannual Christians, But Not Really

As usual, I'm supposed to be studying now. But it's still early enough in my current rotation that I can follow my latest inspiration and get this post down.
I don't post about religion much, even though I am religious and I try to pray often and earnestly.
I don't get a lot of explicit religious inspiration these days, because I don't take out my Bible as often as I should, and I definitely don't go to church as often as I'd like. I know that going to church isn't always equated with spirituality, especially in a traditional service where you find yourself just going through the motions of prayer. But I like going and having that structure there to help guide my prayer (not to mention many priests/ministers/preachers/pastors/etc. are aware of this problem and trying to inject more life into their services).
One of the guys I do draw inspiration from (and who I have mentioned multiple times on this blog) is my good friend Aaron. He shared a picture on his Facebook wall today that was funny (because it combined two of his favorite things, coffee and Jesus) and awesome (because of its message).

Post by Radio Free Babylon.

I was going to share this on my wall because, as stated, I thought it was funny yet thought-provoking. And then my provoked thoughts came to the realization that, inadvertently, I am one of those Christians that only attends church a couple times a year. It's usually more  frequently than just Christmas or Easter, but especially in medical school I haven't felt like I could take Sunday morning off from studying to go to church. I have never been one to openly judge the "semiannual Christians" - as I know I have referred to them before - that only come to church on the two biggest holidays, but I'm sure that somewhere in the back of my head I made note that I only ever saw them twice a year, whereas I could be seen in that church every Sunday.

Now I am at a point in my life where I am constantly conscious of how much studying I should be doing and how much paperwork/data entry I need to have done and how busy my schedule is. And suddenly I understand much better how church attendance falls by the wayside.
Incidentally, my parents (who go to church faithfully every week) came up to visit this weekend and I did go to church with them (it's Easter, after all). I got to hear the ever-passionate Father Pat jump for joy at the resurrection of Jesus - and that is the other reason I like going to church. That passion, that joy, to me is infectious.
When I'm not in church, as I try to live a Christian life with good morals and actions, I still try to remember to pray, and I try to read the Bible, at least on Sundays (I even have an app!). And I wonder how many of those other semiannual Christians work even longer hours than I have now? How many want to go to church, but are on call on Sundays, or have group projects and the only time they have to work on them is Sunday, or have to provide for and care for their children or relatives or even strangers on Sundays?
How many of us semiannual Christians aren't semiannual at all, but simply celebrate or reflect on our faith in buildings other than churches?


P.S. Happy Easter, everyone! He is Risen. :)

Music Heard on the Island in 2013

I was going to start this by saying some disclaimer like, "This post is going to be a bit of self-indulgence." But then I realized that's what most of my posts are. And you know that, otherwise you wouldn't be here reading it. But I'm still on break, so I wanted to do a bit more writing before I go back to the excitement but complete lack of free time that is my third year of medical school.
So without further ado, a few musical delights from 2013 that I was excited about. I don't claim to be some smart music reviewer, but sometimes I like to pretend.
Oh wait - one further bit of ado: I'm not trying to sound elitist with this list. I know sometimes I come off that way when talking about music, and I know there are certain aspects of the Top 40 charts that annoy me. But I'm honestly not trying to dis any music you might like. And I don't pretend to be the best musicophile out there, either - my friend Gamy will inevitably be releasing his own mix of 2013's greatest music which will be much wider in scope and genre than my own. But hopefully you take a listen and like some of these.

"Get In My Way" - Robin Thicke
Obviously Robin Thicke was quite famous this year for a little ditty about how much he loves sex and how he hates when it's not quite clear what's appropriate. Or something. It was catchy and Pharrell is ageless (41 years old and he looks like that?!). Anyway, people became so sick of that little ditty, as people are wont to do when a little ditty is played 16 times a day on the radio, that they began to ignore Robin Thicke (there were also negative feelings due to the racy nature of the song or his performance with that girl who came in like a Wrecking Ball later in the year). And a few more singles were released from the album, but by then people were too inundated with Robin Thicke to care. But there are actually some really fun songs on Blurred Lines. This one is my favorite - it's a bouncy pump-up song with a dash of old school dance funk similar to the album's title track, but without the racy imagery or repetitive "hey hey hey."
http://youtu.be/SV57MK-fZ1E

"Instamatic" - Vertical Horizon
Yes indeed - THE Vertical Horizon. Matt Scannell is still making music - both teaming up with other artists (like my first musical idol Richard Marx) and with the band that brought you "Everything You Want" and "You're A God." Their 2013 release, Echoes From the Underground, shows mature modern alternative rock songwriting with beautiful lyrics that only come from experience and age in songs like "Frost" and the beautifully subtle "Lovestruck." But my favorite moment comes from "Instamatic" where Scannell brings in his long-time friend Neil Peart (drummer of my favorite band, Rush), who plays the crap out of this song. The blustering riffs and drum fills of the song scream prog rock while still retaining pop sensibility, and the made-up word of a title personifies the fun-but-emotional song perfectly. http://youtu.be/KEiVfMi1JIU

"Unchain My Heart" - Hugh Laurie
Anyone who has watched House for more than a few episodes has probably seen Hugh Laurie play the piano. In recent years Laurie has indulged that side of himself by releasing a couple of musical albums showcasing his musical talent. He acknowledges in the liner notes the fact that purists may be quick to dismiss him as a Cambridge-educated white boy trying to play New Orleans blues (his first album) or old-school jazz (2013's Didn't It Rain), but if you give it a chance, Laurie's easy lilting piano, top-notch instrumentalists, and talented vocal guests lay your expectations calmly to rest and ease you into some beautiful piano-vocal jazz. The whole album is terrific - you'll only find this track on the deluxe version, but it's worth it - and if you don't think so, watch the video: http://youtu.be/KEiVfMi1JIU

"'Til The Lights Come On" - Sun Rai
A few years ago my good friend Aaron introduced me to the website Noisetrade and since then a lot of my new music has come from there. Artists of all genres and monetary values have put their music up for free on this website as a matter of promotion and because they just want to get their art out there. One of my favorite Noisetrade finds in 2013 was Sun Rai. He's got catchy melodies and clearly looks like he has a lot of fun while he's playing. Here's a great sample of the fun of his music: http://youtu.be/KZlvRWGEwZg

"Cry Cry" - Stone Temple Pilots

Stone Temple Pilots has had a long struggle over the years with Scott Weiland's endless relapses into drug addiction. Finally in early 2013, after decades of trying to make it work with him, they let Weiland go. They came out swinging later in the year with a new EP featuring Chester Bennington (the non-rapping half of Linkin Park's vocals). People love to hate LP as much as they love to hate Nickelback, and so fans were in an uproar. I'll be honest, I'm hesitant when bands make major lineup changes but keep the same name. And I will miss Weiland, but I'm sure it came to the point where working with him was just too hard for the other STP members. Despite that, I urge you to give this new line-up a chance. Regardless of your thoughts on LP, Bennington has a versatile singing voice, and he channels the STP vibe here much better than expected.
http://youtu.be/jc9sTQgRDXI 

"Colors (Remix ft. Tomahawk Pointe)" - Empire Theory

Previously blog entries have detailed my love for good EDM (electronic dance music), specifically dubstep. Another example of the variety of stuff you can find on Noisetrade, Empire Theory is a solid pop rock group with deep lyrics to supplant their catchy melodies. As a charity endeavor, they created this remix of their EP's title track and it brings a whole new dimension to the song. And it sounds wicked (plus, proceeds go to charity!).
http://noisetrade.com/empiretheory/colors-soles4souls-exclusive

"Power Trip" - J. Cole

You probably heard this one. I'm throwing it here because listening to rap is not something for which I'm known, but that I do occasionally. I have a major soft spot for the Notorious B.I.G., and I love it when they call me "Big Poppa." My delusions of grandeur aside, I'm not moved by a lot of today's rap, but there are good rappers, and J. Cole is one of them. I was instantly hooked by this slow wistful chorus, and found myself fascinated by the verses as he professes his forbidden love for this girl he's obsessed with. The music video adds to the picture, and its twist ending may surprise you.
http://youtu.be/7AjD7nKiUQ4

Feel free to comment with your own favorite musical moments of 2013, especially the ones that weren't televised or controversially reported. I'm always looking for new music, so I'm excited to see what you liked last year!

Worst-Case Scenarios vs. Occam's Razor

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you know that for the last six weeks I have been on my third-year pediatrics rotation. One of the key points that they focus on for babies' appointments (but that was not tested at all on our SHELF exam, which was frustrating - that's a rant for another time) is developmental milestones. 

Around the age of 12-18 months, most kids reach a point where they start to learn at least one new word every day, and they become nervous or even outright frightened at strangers. Around the same time, they may develop night terrors (in their deepest stages of sleep, that they usually don't remember, and often frighten parents or babysitters more than the the toddlers).

Around preschool/elementary school age, as most of you do remember, children start getting nightmares. They can't always tell what is real and what is not, and it manifests in sad and terrifying (and very memorable) images that haunt their REM sleep until they learn to remember what is real, and keep the bad dreams at bay.

Nowadays, as I learn a new skill or diagnosis or other piece of knowledge every day, it's again what I don't know that terrifies me. In my first two years of medical school, we learned the physiology of the human body and the pathophysiology of the many diseases that can ravage it. That was our equivalent of night terrors - terrifying information that we did not always fully grasp, and much of which is hazy in our minds after we are tested on it. And while medical student syndrome runs rampant ("Oh God, I totally have the symptoms I'm studying!"), I'm sure it is much more frightening or annoying to our parents, significant others, and non-medical friends - the ones who have to deal with us telling them about the latest disgusting disease manifestation we saw, or comfort us when we freak out about tests and grades and our careers. The ones who, when they asked us about their own medical issues, got the WebMD-style complete differential on the worst things that could be happening to them ("oh, your stomach hurts? Well, it's probably just gas, but maybe you're bleeding internally or you have a tumor or an intestinal blockage or... tell me more about your pain!").

Now, in third year, we struggle not only to relearn all of that information and then some, but to apply it to patients, and to retain it beyond just the next test. Because now we are in the second half of our training, and what we do now, more than anything before this, is going to shape our future careers. So we have to prove our medical knowledge and skill, and that means facing our nightmares - all the incredibly complex diseases that preoccupy us at test time, but which are only rarely seen in the field. We have to be on our guard and watch for the signs carefully, without becoming alarmists who forget to rule out common things and ignore Occam's Razor (thus panicking patients and annoying attendings). 

What worst-case scenarios do you fear in your job? In your life? I'm not talking about stuff like death and safety that most people share - what are the ones specific to you? What do you think about and then have to stop and remind yourself that that is not the only scenario, or that there is an easier way?

Ten Opinions in a Row (Volume 2)

1. Shazam is an amazing app. I use it like it's my job. Then months later, I go back to listen to some of things I've tagged on it and I'm either saying "Oh, this song is still awesome!" or "Why on Earth did I tag this?!"

2. When I get interested in a new band, I get into their history, the biographies of their band members, their discographies, at least to some extent. From there, if I really like the sound of the musicians, I start looking into their side projects. Recently I got into Toto. This is a band where 6 studio musicians got together to start jamming. The number of side projects, guest appearances, and studio ghosting is too high to count. Guitarist Steve Lukather is EVERYWHERE in pop/rock.

3. Words trigger lyrics in my head. At the office at which I'm rotating, the bathroom has a sign that says "Please...Aim to Please." I see that and think "Please, at ease, now let me drop some more of dem keys" and start rapping "Gz and Hustlas" by Snoop Dogg. Not a good thing in a pediatric office. But a fun song.

4. The main reason I like songs like that is because lyrics are the last thing I listen to in songs. I listen to the drums first (of course, being a drummer), then the bass/guitar/other instrument hooks, and then the vocals and how they all flow and blend together. And then I try to isolate each part just to see if I can. And THEN I notice the content of the lyrics. That's why I can tell you all about the backing tracks and samples of my favorite rap songs, and nothing about their lyrics.

5. Changing up your Pandora stations can work wonders for your studying/busy work. I have been shuffling through 4 or 5 stations for the last six months or so. I switched them all out, replacing them with a few similar artists and a few very different ones. The renewed energy is beautiful.

6. The fact that Jenny McCarthy has been given a more public voice on The View is not a good thing, as too many people take that show seriously, and too many of them are mothers or grandmothers who will end up denying their children vaccines. I can only hope that the debate is smart enough to debunk the myths she insists on propagating (though it's a long shot).

7. That said, I can understand that Jenny McCarthy is very much a mother trying to find answers. I've realized that most parents, when something goes wrong with their children, will fight tooth and nail to get answers, fix their kids, and make sure it doesn't happen again. It's just unfortunate that Ms. McCarthy latched on to fake data created by a now-disgraced former physician who was trying to get famous.

8. I do not believe in playing Christmas carols before Thanksgiving (or Halloween). Give Thanksgiving its due - the holiday has a great message (idealistically, not historically). And the food is better than every other holiday out together.

9. That said, my two favorite Christmas carols are "What Child Is This?" and "O Holy Night." The second one became a favorite almost solely due to Richard Marx's version.

10. I think the only reason to go to Dunkin' Donuts is if you like their donuts or if you need your coffee a little weaker or with more artificial flavoring (before cream or sugar). Otherwise, Starbucks or Tim Hortons are better in nearly every way.

India: The Microcosm That Should Spawn A Revolution

(It should be noted that this post was inspired by the recent posts about the "Save Our Sisters" and their "Abused Goddesses" campaign, as well as comments by friends of mine.)
I've been to India several times with my family. I used to chuckle at my friends in elementary school who, when I told them I was going to India, would ask if I was going to sleep in a tent. If they had cars, or just rode on elephants and rickshaws. If they had toilet paper (admittedly, in some places that question was somewhat valid).

I would chuckle and talk about my grandparents' houses, and the cars (including the auto-rickshaws), and the fact that India was mostly in the twentieth century, even in the rural areas. My mother once told me that India's elementary school education was better than the one I was receiving in the United States - though I would later learn that she was exaggerating to challenge me to learn more and try to match my cousins halfway around the world. I still hear those words ringing in my ears when I think about my life in the U.S.

I take great pride in my Indian heritage, and it's something I strive to know more about (even though I haven't taken as much time to learn the language and customs as I maybe should). I have extremely fond memories of taking walks with my late grandfather there, traveling through jungles, turning my head to take in huge cities, and viewing the most beautiful temples and palaces. In my first long entry on this blog I discussed some of the funnier things in India and my interactions there, but that was pretty tongue-in-cheek.

While I am very proud of that Indian heritage, there are things about the country of India itself in which I am extremely disappointed. And they are summed up and brought into harsh light with this ad campaign:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/regajha/indias-incredibly-powerful-abused-goddesses-campaign-condemn

Normally Buzzfeed is associated with fun lists and lame information aggregations, but this is a particularly good use of the website. This campaign is beautifully designed, and I hope it reaches a great many people, especially in India. As stated in the article,

"The campaign simply and effectively captures India’s most dangerous contradiction: that of revering women in religion and mythology, while the nation remains incredibly unsafe for its women citizens."

Now, I know a lot of Indian people. I know there are good people there, I've seen them. But the bad apples make the reputation, and Indian news lately has been full of them. India tries to pride itself on the fact that it is coming into modern times and on par with the Western world. Unfortunately, even in the Western world some things have not changed the way they should. These news stories of women being abused, raped, tortured, and killed make me sick to my stomach. And it makes me sad for the people who don't know the beauty of India, because these perverse people obscure the good parts. And this doesn't just apply to India, either. These tragedies should hit close to home for all of us. Our so-called "modern Western civilization" is just as guilty of such horrors.

I remember being distracted from admiring the mighty Red Fort because my sisters were clinging to me as we walked through, because there were boys just standing to one side, leering at the girls. At least they were quiet, not making catcalls or grabbing their crotches. Just staring creepily. If I had thought anything I could have said would have made a difference, I would have (And again, I don't fool myself into thinking this only happens in India. As I progress through my medical training, I see this in hospitals far too frequently).

Unfortunately, it's a matter of culture, in so many places. It's the way of thinking, and it has been for generations of misguided men and women. The world over, far too often we see the gut reaction of, when a woman is raped or assaulted, the first questions asked are, "Why did she wear that? Why did she walk through there? Why was she asking for it?" Far too often, the right questions aren't asked: "What was her abuser thinking? Where is he and how can he be stopped from doing this again? How can we make this right?"
That is wrong. And it needs to change.

We can figure out why she wore that dress. It probably wasn't because she wanted every man to know she was "asking for it." For the most part, it was probably because she thought she looked nice in it, and felt like looking good that day. For herself. Not for anyone else. No one should think they have any right to her, or any claim over her. While there is a call for safe behavior that should be heeded, this kind of "ownership thinking" has to stop, not only in India, but everywhere, including the United States. It's disgusting, it's outdated, and while it's slowly becoming less common, it's not changing fast enough.

I don't want to speak in absolutes, and as a medical student and a scientist I don't like to use the words "always" or "never." I know that the sad things I've talked about in this post aren't always the story. But the fact that they happen at all is sad. I started this post as a rant about India and its outdated beliefs and unfortunate way of thinking...but I realized as I wrote it that this topic is globally relevant. It's a universal travesty. And, starting with you and me, it will take a global revolution to resolve it.

10 Opinions in a Row...or "A Quick Study Break"

I needed a break from my 10-hour study day. My good friend Aaron (on whose blog I guested about a month ago here) wrote a blog post based on Buffalo's WGR550's segment "10 Opinions in a Row" where they just talk about whatever they want. I stole the idea from him - things that are too short to blog about, but may be too long for a Tweet or not funny enough for one of my Facebook statuses. Anyway, here goes:

1. Not all tattoos are bad. The all-or-none attitude is limiting in all aspects of life, and no more so than here. There are some that are meaningful, at least to the person sporting them. If that's how a person wants to express themselves, or they feel so passionately about it that they want to display it on their body...that's not a bad thing. However, some of them do make my inner grammar nazi cringe: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/A4x6sC/:5rh3x!2q:HYT_8-l3/tosh.comedycentral.com/blog/2013/04/30/10-tattoos-with-typos-to-make-you-feel-better-about-your-life/

2. As a recovering grammar nazi, I cringe when I see other people do it, because I've realized how truly annoying it looks and is (even though I'm still guilty of it). If it's something professional that needs correcting, then yes, it may need judging/correcting. Or if they ask for a grammar check. But if someone posts something on Facebook and your only response is to correct their grammar...that's not funny. It's annoying.

3. I think lipstick is the most unnecessary of all the makeup items. It can be done tastefully, I'm sure, but almost every time I see it on a girl I find myself wishing I was looking at her normal lips.

4. Studying sucks. That's all I have to say about that.

5. Watching British comedians is awesome. Partially because of their accents, and mostly because I love stand-up and some of the people I watch are hilarious. But it's also partially because they make jokes about things in the news and pop culture that I know nothing about and when I look those things up it's like "sweet, more useless knowledge for my trivia skills!"

6. I went through a phase where I had all but phased the word "like" (as a filler word) out of my vocabulary. That phase has since ended. I miss it, because I judge myself every time I use "like" as a filler.

7. Whenever I watch a video on YouTube, especially a music video, I always scroll down to the comments because I love seeing people say something super negative or bigoted and then everyone else coming back and bashing them for it. It's not something I'd partake in, but it's a guilty pleasure to look at.

8. Drummer thought: I could watch Stewart Copeland, Matt Cameron, and John Bonham play the same basic beat for 10 hours and still find it fascinating.

9. I've said this on Twitter, but the half-hawk hairstyle is not attractive. I don't know why it's so popular now. I will be really happy when it goes away.

10. I love it when celebrities, especially older ones, handle their own Twitter/Facebook, respond to people, and actually post funny Tweets or pics of themselves doing funny/awesome things. For example, go look at Sir Patrick Stewart's Twitter. He posts a lot of advocacy-related Tweets, especially related to child abuse awareness, but then he'll something like this:

pic.twitter.com/3HarOgEm2z
— Patrick Stewart (@SirPatStew) June 11, 2013

What a badass.