Saturday, January 3, 2015

Things I Just Don't Get, or #OldManRant

Happy New Year! Now, on to the blog post:
There are a few things in this world that I don't understand. Actually, there are a lot of things. But a few of those things are funny. I understand some of these things on an intellectual level...kind of. But every time I encounter these situations, I'm left scratching my head. Allow me to point out that I do not judge anyone that does these things...I just don't fully get them. And I'm about to make fun of them a little bit. People who display these have acknowledged that they are funny, so hopefully they won't mind.

1. The horrified reactions to words like "moist." I have a few friends that have this particular hang-up. It's not just moist. There's a whole bunch of these words that, when spoken, people lose their minds. Other words include, "pustule" (understandable, that's a pretty gross thing objectively), "squirt" "phlegm." I have one friend who can't stand the word "slough." And of course, one of the organs that my intended field of medicine, gynecology, focuses on...has a name that cannot be mentioned in front of many people without evoking an appalled reaction and dry-heaving. And no, I'm not talking about ovaries.

2. Unofficially assigned seats. I mean, when I repeatedly attend a lecture hall, I tend to drift toward the same seating area. It's comfortable, you get used to viewing the lecturer and the screen from the same angle day after day and/or week after week. But there are definitely people who will stare daggers at you and ponder your death if you sit in their seat of choice. And they know it's a little unreasonable, but that doesn't stop them from wondering if their hands would fit around your neck.

3. (Relation)shipping. This goes all the way back to shows like Moonlighting...maybe even older shows, but I haven't done enough research to fully support that claim. There's probably a Buzzfeed article about this somewhere. Anyway, apparently people couldn't wait until Bruce and Cybill got together in that show - but that made sense because they had great chemistry and sexual tension. Castle and Beckett managed to play it out for a long time before finally giving the fans what they wanted. But some people think Sheldon and Penny from The Big Bang Theory would be good together. And that Jack Donaghy should get with Liz Lemon. Really? That makes sense to people?
And there's one comedian who talks about reading fanfiction about Bellatrix and Hermione. Now, I know why she looked that up (and it's not exactly a family-friendly reason), but that one's just funny.

4. Turning down and/or up. Lil' Jon's "Turn Down For What?" kind of made sense to me. At least it did when I saw the hilarious and magical cinematic masterpiece that is the music video. So it made sense that to "turn up" would be the opposite. But then people started talking about how we have to "turn up at this place" and "soft turn up for this thing!" It's like when you hear a word too much and it starts to sound like it's not real anymore. Does it mean "turn up" as in randomly show up? Or turn up the volume? Or are you just being an underground root vegetable?
And then I got nervous about turn down. Is it another word for what you do with blood in a centrifuge? Or turning down the volume? Or is it what you do with bedsheets before you go to sleep?

And how is one "turnt"?

5. Bae. The acronym for "Before Anyone Else" and know what? This one I might be judging a little bit. Yeah, I'm just gonna put it down and walk away.

What are your thoughts on these things? What are some funny things that you just don't get? And seriously, can someone explain the word "turnt"?